i love (love, love) this visual of dumpster diving. i'm fascinated by our propensity to look for answers where there are none (and deep down we know this and chose to ignore it!). perhaps, it's not so much a disillusionment as a quest for deep feeling/even if that feeling is harmful, simply because it is familiar. one of my first spiritual awakenings in early recovery (i was a little over 2 years clean at the time) was when my [second] sponsor told me that i didn't understand surrender, because surrender meant laying down my weapons. And I would come to a meeting, practice that surrender, then go back to my "little arms factory in my apartment" and make more. and it took me another 2-4 years to learn how to live without being a pain or grief factory because i had spent all my teens, and the majority of my twenties defining myself through that pain. which forced me to ask "who am i without this (pain|grief|depression|anxiety|trauma)" ? and it's something i'm still in the process of answering
wow, Troy. Thank you for this. I'm in the ever-becoming dance with you - grateful for the company <3 that definition of surrender! just gorgeous. you've given me a lot to think about.
Dani— how on earth did you know how much I needed to read that today?? Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. So much wisdom. ❤️❤️❤️
oh Karyn <3 sending you the biggest hug in the whole universe
Honestly, this feels to me like your best essay yet about recovery. It's pretty much perfect. Love you, Dani.
thank you Holly! Love you back.
This is so fucking good.
thanks so much, Holly
Everything about this was wonderful. Every paragraph washed over me like a wave, lifted me up. Just wonderful.
<3 thank you, PL.
i love (love, love) this visual of dumpster diving. i'm fascinated by our propensity to look for answers where there are none (and deep down we know this and chose to ignore it!). perhaps, it's not so much a disillusionment as a quest for deep feeling/even if that feeling is harmful, simply because it is familiar. one of my first spiritual awakenings in early recovery (i was a little over 2 years clean at the time) was when my [second] sponsor told me that i didn't understand surrender, because surrender meant laying down my weapons. And I would come to a meeting, practice that surrender, then go back to my "little arms factory in my apartment" and make more. and it took me another 2-4 years to learn how to live without being a pain or grief factory because i had spent all my teens, and the majority of my twenties defining myself through that pain. which forced me to ask "who am i without this (pain|grief|depression|anxiety|trauma)" ? and it's something i'm still in the process of answering
wow, Troy. Thank you for this. I'm in the ever-becoming dance with you - grateful for the company <3 that definition of surrender! just gorgeous. you've given me a lot to think about.