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Holly Whitaker's avatar

This is so fucking good.

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Troy McCall's avatar

i love (love, love) this visual of dumpster diving. i'm fascinated by our propensity to look for answers where there are none (and deep down we know this and chose to ignore it!). perhaps, it's not so much a disillusionment as a quest for deep feeling/even if that feeling is harmful, simply because it is familiar. one of my first spiritual awakenings in early recovery (i was a little over 2 years clean at the time) was when my [second] sponsor told me that i didn't understand surrender, because surrender meant laying down my weapons. And I would come to a meeting, practice that surrender, then go back to my "little arms factory in my apartment" and make more. and it took me another 2-4 years to learn how to live without being a pain or grief factory because i had spent all my teens, and the majority of my twenties defining myself through that pain. which forced me to ask "who am i without this (pain|grief|depression|anxiety|trauma)" ? and it's something i'm still in the process of answering

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