In this week’s essay, I shared how I’m abstaining from social media for 100 days. Three days in, I’m waking up to another something I want to lay down for a while: striving.
I always joke that the way I merge onto the freeway is a perfect metaphor for how I move through my life: Get my ass to the fast lane, push the upper limit of an acceptable amount of speeding, and hurry to my destination as quickly as possible. Enjoy the scenery? ha, ha.
In Pandemia, I’m forced to reckon with this. There is nowhere to go. Nothing to plan. I have to get right with the right now. And yeah, though I understand intellectually that I’ve never had any actual control over anything, and certainly not the future, it’s still real weird to be so totally disabused of that illusion every single day these days.
I don’t want to have a lead foot on my life. I want to take a break from the persistent sense that I’m supposed to be doing more. I want to push back on my own internalized narrative that life is a nonstop dance of achieving.
I want to amplify the ordinary.
So, this week’s question is: I’d love to hear something you took for granted just six months ago, that you would love to have back. Let it be something small and ordinary, those little things that kill me now for their preciousness.
I’ll start: My local independent grocery store has super strict COVID protocols in place: You (obviously) have to wear a mask, they only allow 10 customers in at a time, they spray your hands with hand sanitizer when you walk in, and you have to stand 6 feet away from the counter while they scan your items until it’s time to pay. I’ve been going to this market for 6 years now, and I’m friendly with most of the folks that work there. The other day I set my basket on the conveyer and leaned in slightly to make chit-chat, and the cashier backed away. It was an innocent moment of forgetting, that we can’t lean in to each other right now, and ugh, my heart broke. I miss those easy, wonderful moments of connection woven throughout the mundane of day-to-day city living (don’t even ask me about hugs. Sigh).
What do you miss? Let’s remember, so we never forget (share in the comments below 👇🏽).
Take care of yourselves, bunnies. A few links below…
xxoodani
a few things for le weekend:
🌱 “Our task is to remain patient and vigilant and to not lose heart — for we are the destination. We are the portals from which the idea explodes, forced forth by its yearning to arrive. We are the revelators, the living instruments through which the idea announces itself — the flourishing and the blooming — but we are also the waiting and the wondering and the worrying. We are all of these things — we are the songwriters.” Nick Cave answers the question “What do you do when the lyrics just aren’t coming?” and it’s beautiful.
✏️ Amitava Kumar asks writers to share their advice anytime she goes to a book signing.
♥️ “Flimsy plastic knives, a single microwave, and empty popcorn bags: How 50 inmates inside a Michigan prison prepared a feast to celebrate the life of George Floyd” The artwork in this incredibly moving piece is stunning, too.
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Every other Saturday, I volunteer at a meal for the homeless. Before Covid, our guests came into a large room, we had flowers on the tables, they could get clothing, books, play bingo if they wanted to. We had pumpkins at Halloween to carve. We could sit down and catch up with the regulars and pray with them if they wanted that. It felt good to connect. Now, we are pushing meals to go through an opening covered with plexiglass. We all have masks on. It’s hard to hear and there’s usually a line so no time to chat. I’m grateful we can still provide food but I really miss feeling a connection with the people I’m serving.
I miss the tub and London double decker busses. When I first moved to London the only friend I had moved to Hong Kong 3 weeks after I arrived so I learned the city by taking public transportation everywhere without a specific destination in mind. Super nerdy and joyful.
i often wonder the same <3
Every other Saturday, I volunteer at a meal for the homeless. Before Covid, our guests came into a large room, we had flowers on the tables, they could get clothing, books, play bingo if they wanted to. We had pumpkins at Halloween to carve. We could sit down and catch up with the regulars and pray with them if they wanted that. It felt good to connect. Now, we are pushing meals to go through an opening covered with plexiglass. We all have masks on. It’s hard to hear and there’s usually a line so no time to chat. I’m grateful we can still provide food but I really miss feeling a connection with the people I’m serving.
I hear you, Catherine. It is so unnatural to put barriers between us when we need each other most.
I miss the tub and London double decker busses. When I first moved to London the only friend I had moved to Hong Kong 3 weeks after I arrived so I learned the city by taking public transportation everywhere without a specific destination in mind. Super nerdy and joyful.
i don't miss public transportation in SF, per se...but i do miss all the being all up and close with my fellow city folk.