Comfort zones + growth edges
This is what you asked for
Ways to hang this month:
❤️🩹Next Sober From Bullshit Recovery Club: Storytelling Edition is (THIS) Wednesday, October 6. Register here.
💀 October writing workshop theme is “HALLOWEEN.” It will be terrifying and ridiculous and costumes are super encouraged. Register here (Sunday, 10/31, 10am - 12pm PST).
Questions? Just ask. I’m here and I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks SO MUCH to those of you who filled out the SELF MADE reader survey! Raffle winner will be announced in Friday’s post<3
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It’s 6am and I’ve been sitting here in the dark for the past ninety minutes staring at a blinking curser and wondering how to say what I want to say but also feeling exhausted by it, in the sense that even though I’m so curious about what it means and how it looks to expand our capacities and comfort zones, in this moment everything I’m thinking feels pithy and already (over) written and does anyone need yet another post about “leap and the net will appear?”
This past Saturday I gave a talk about “The Deeper Blue” at Sober Voices (welcome, new readers. It’s rad to have you here). The actual talk went well, better than I would have imagined laying in bed the night before, unable to sleep for the anxiety (not to mention a mosquito that kept buzzing in my ear all night). I feel good about how it went. And, I was absolutely spent after, not from talking for thirty minutes, but from finally having returned to me all the brain space I’d given over to thinking about, writing, practicing, worrying over it.
In two more weeks I officiate a best friend’s wedding. I’ve been joking with people that once I’m on the other side of October, I’m going to sleep until 2022.
After the talk I took Tater on a quickie cruise around the block and then hopped in the car, grabbed Ashley, and headed to another sober pal’s baby shower. It was very good to have a full day planned despite my exhaustion as it was important for me to put the focus on someone other than myself instead of continuing to sit in front of my screen, refreshing the talk page and my Instagram handle to see the response. The self-absorption is so exhausting.
The sense of relief I’ve been experiencing on the other side of this talk, and the way my focus immediately turns to the Next Big Event—another thing I’ve never done and am acutely freaked out about—makes me want to hide, shrivel up, cancel. What was I thinking? I wonder. I can already barely see straight by the end of most workdays - why am I adding more to my plate?
Another voice: This is what you asked for.
Alongside the exhaustion, that thing that makes the stress and worry worth it: the felt-sense of accomplishment. The urge to celebrate, which for me these days means, oh, I don’t know, a fancy iced coffee or (gasp) an over-the-top donut from Dynamo. The satisfaction that comes from saying yes to something scary, and doing it anyway. The pleasure of expanding into what’s next, of watching my mind already turning to what I might offer at the next conference.
Today’s post is quiet and humble, y’all. Yes I am exhausted—and I know better than to force something that isn’t there (I promise next Tuesday’s post will be a banger). But I am also so grateful, for these moments that give me glimpses of what I’m capable of; that lift the veil on the self-imposed limitations that are so ingrained as to still be mostly invisible; that remind me yet again that everyday is an opportunity to show myself, in ways both great and small, that life feels best when I’m in the dance of making the impossible possible.
See you Friday.
From the archives ~ this time last year: THIS IS WHAT I HAD BEEN MISSING - FUN! (Karla’s story)
SELF MADE is a newsletter for fellow 🌺late bloomers🌺 with a focus on recovery, creativity and community. It's written by me, Dani, a writer, coach, and recovery advocate in San Francisco, CA.
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