When the path disappears

And everything you've leaned on is gone

Hi everyone. We made it to February.

You’re invited to tonight’s bi-monthly Self Made community call. Historically, these calls have been recovery support calls, however; as the community continues to evolve, so do the topics. These calls are a great way to ground the skills and teachings I share in the monthly Life Design Skills Sessions, and to get to know me and the community. Tonight, a discussion on making the road while walking.

What to expect: A brief grounding exercise; a journal prompt; a discussion. An hour spent with fellow comrades on the path. An opportunity to remember how much bright goodness still exists.

✨Tonight (2/4) from 6-7pm PST. All are welcome.

✨ Join me February 12th for Self Made’s next monthly Life Design Skill Session (free! next week!):

February’s topic is Changing the Way you THINK: an Introduction to Thoughtwork
→ The problem with most attempts at self-development is that it has you focus solely on changing your actions. When you change your actions but don’t change the thoughts and feelings behind those actions, a gap opens between any success you might be reaching, and an inner experience that despite all evidence to the contrary has you continuing to feel shitty. It becomes difficult, if not impossible, to see real change.
→ In February's session, I'll teach the fundamentals of THOUGHTWORK, a self-coaching tool that will help you shift your inner experience so that the voice in your head becomes more helpful than harmful. → During the session, you'll apply this information and "workshop" a shitty thought pattern. → All are welcome! If you’re already familiar with this tool, this is a great opportunity to revisit. One of the best parts of these workshops is the resource shares and suggestions that open up between us.
→ All are welcome!
→ There will be a recording - so please sign up even if you can’t make it live. (Wednesday, 2/12, 9am-10am PST, FREE)

Today’s inspiration:

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone,
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your home
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

~David Whyte

Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Unsplash

One of the metaphors that’s been winding and weaving its way through this essay I’ve been working on since October (update: first draft is done! Now I’ve settled into the revision stage) is the path of transformation. I use this concept to describe the journey of change people set out on when they’ve hit some kind of line-in-the-sand moment in their life where the old way is no longer working, but the next way hasn’t yet emerged. Sometimes, a person is thrust onto the path against their will: They lose a job, or a person, or endure some other major life disruption. Other times, they step willingly onto the path, because they’ve tried numerous interventions to move the needle on their unique area of stuckness and they’ve hit a wall, or a plateau, where they realize that their solo attempts at self-betterment haven’t given them the results they desired.

I have the lucky fortune to meet people at these life points, because these are the times in a person’s life when they tend to seek support. It’s also true that I have had many line-in-the-sand moments in my almost 41 years on the planet (and I know that plenty more are on the way, because that’s how life goes).

All this writing about the path of transformation had me realize something that almost sent the whole essay off the rails:

When you get started on a process of change, the path disappears. And it’s disappearance is how you know you’re on your way. You can’t see where you’re going. Everything you had leaned on for your identity is gone. And so you enter, in the words of David Whyte, “…the black, contemplative splendors of self-doubt at the same time as you are setting out on this radical new path.

You were on some sort of life trajectory, and then it was disrupted, and now you’ve set out into new territory. You are in an uncharted wilderness; a path does not *yet* exist.

You make the path by walking, creating a new map as you go.

Longtime readers of this newsletter know that I often talk about lanterns on the path. I use this image to signify that when you get started on a journey of change, you don’t need to know how you will get to the other side, or what you even want on the other side—at least not at first. All you need is a lantern to light up the next few steps, and to illuminate the next right thing.

The good news is that you can make the whole journey that way. The good news is that in my lived experience, and in what I’ve witnessed in my practice, is that a lantern always, always, shows up. Sometimes lanterns look like lanterns; sometimes, lanterns are obstacles you have to overcome in order to learn the precise lesson that makes the next right step on your unique, individual path available.

This felt relevant to share at this particular moment because so many of us have been thrust onto a path of transformation, whether we like it or not, whether we expected it or not. Most of you reading this are profoundly flummoxed by the current state of, well, everything.

As we watch the last vestiges of a functional (?) democracy circle the drain, it’s natural to want to cling to the old, known maps: all those familiar structures and systems we’re used to, and that many of us have built our lives around.

But we can’t go back. So, we map a new path forward, and none of us know how to do that—yet. We do this not by turning away from the chaos of an empire in decline, but by making a new path in tandem. In the context of oversaturation from external stimuli, there is very little space for imagination and creativity—let alone the emergence of a way of being in the world that allows peace, ease, and enough breathing room for us to focus on the things that would actually contribute to meaningful change.

Come to tonight’s call. I’ll share some suggestions about how to make the road by walking. We’ll brainstorm/crowdsource/make a plan for our own individual next right steps.

Let’s hold lanterns for each other.

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At SELF MADE, the game is to uncover your essential self so you can design a rebellious, bold, on-purpose life that is an expression of who you really are and what you really want. Posts are written by me, Dani Cirignano, writer, Integral Coach, and recovery guide based in San Francisco, CA.

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