Road raging with Ram Dass (aka "it's all part of the curriculum")
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Hello + happy Tuesday!
Register for this week’s group calls here:
🌀 Group Call #1: (Tuesday, 6/11/24 @ 6pm PST // 9pm EST): Register here.
🌀 Group Call #2:** (Wednesday, 6/12/24 @ 9am PST // 12pm EST): Register here.
**This call features structured breakout groups of 3-4 people.
Today’s inspiration:
I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awoke and saw that life was service
I acted and behold, service is joy.—Rabindranath Tagore
Confession: I am a road-rager. It’s embarrassing to admit.
I’m guessing you have your version: some strange behavior that emerges— despite you knowing better, despite how much “work” you’ve done on yourself—when you’re inconvenienced just enough or under just the right amount of stress, grabbing hold of the controls like some latent Mr. Hyde who is still, even after all this time! lurking around your brain stem.
I could speculate on the origins of this foul habit, but mostly what fascinates me is that it exists in me at all. Maybe it made sense when I got my license at sixteen, careening around the suburbs that defined my Southern California childhood, fueled by angst, nicotine, and chili cheese fries from the 24hour Del Taco. But I didn’t have a car the first fifteen years I lived in San Francisco, and it stunned me that the second I threw my sweet little hatchback into gear, there it was (there I was), a rage alive and consuming as ever.
It’s not every time I drive—thank god—and there are various flavors and degrees of it; but when it does happen, it’s an immediate humble down. I think I have things decently figured out, and then I get behind the wheel of a car and boom: batshit. It doesn’t make me feel good, even when it’s subtle, even when it’s only me who knows. But the fact that it hasn’t dissipated on its own tells me that unfortunately, I have to actually put in some effort not to succumb to its forces, rather than just crossing my fingers that I’ll eventually meditate my way out of it or whatever.
Something I implemented that’s made a difference is listening to calming music while I drive (especially this playlist). But then my Spotify algorithm started to stale, and so I lately I’ve been listening to old Ram Dass dharma talks as I cruise around.
Look at me! I am so spiritual (you can guess where this is going).
So I’m driving last week, listening to a talk when, right on time, I got hooked by someone driving below the speed limit and suddenly I’m speeding up to zip around them (that’ll teach them!), the anger so fast and hot my brain turned to static. As I stopped at the next red light, Ram Dass’ sweet voice came floating back into my awareness, and I burst out laughing. How ridiculous. How perfect. And more than anything, how human.
I am recounting a singular, forgettable, insignificant moment in my tiny little life. But it points to something bigger, which is how absolutely hooked I still get. How completely at the mercy of external circumstance and environment I can be. And so I ask myself: If I can’t handle an elderly person driving slightly slower than I would like in the less than ten minutes it takes for me to drive to the gym, how the hell am I going to handle bigger deal things when they happen? Like, say, climate chaos? Or the fallout of the the November election here in the US? Or a major illness? Or the eventual loss of my beloved dog? Or my own death?
All these huge questions that are not a matter of *whether*, but *when*.
My road rage is a symptom of a deeper need—still—for control. Every time I lose my shit when life doesn’t bend to my demands, or go the way it was “supposed to,” I am confronted by evidence of how ill-equipped I am to be with life as it is.
The reason it bothers me is because my white hot reaction to a minor inconvenience flies in the face of what I’m trying every day to cultivate in myself, which is an openness to the unknown. Which is a way of being that is spacious and resilient enough that the chaos of reality doesn't undercut me, because I’m no longer dependent on the external for my equanimity.
I want to make myself an instrument of stability in the presence of change. I want to listen for and answer the call of the unknown, so that I might contribute to and participate in a society where I am no longer clinging to the old systems, but creating what’s next. And those moments in my car reveal to me how much farther I have to go.
The equanimity and centeredness I so desire is on the other side of a door that feels rigidly shut against me much of the time. Every now and again, a breeze flows through the door jamb. Occasionally (and always when I’m least expecting), the door cracks open and I get a glimpse of all those things I’ve been promised by all those people who’ve been traveling this road far longer than me.
It’s just enough to keep me knocking.
I see, however briefly, what it might be like to live without the frightened grabbing. I see what it might be like to stay right here in a way that has me opening to the world as-is more and more. I see what it might be like to be so deeply connected to the present moment, that I can be with my heart breaking, and breaking, and breaking and breaking; I can be with the awe and the mystery; I can be with the the cosmic giggle at the incredible joke of it all.
All of it. All of it.
Despite still having a long way to go—I’m still early in the journey—there are also many benefits from all the door knocking. For one, I no longer judge or hate on myself when these uglier behaviors happen (not anymore), because I know, as Ram Dass says, that it’s all part of the curriculum of being human. My road rage points me forward, it redirects me inward, because it demonstrates to me what needs attention. And so now, every damn time I get in my car, I have an opportunity to practice.
I’m humbled and excited to share a sweet little summer offering I’ve put together to create gentle structure, accountability, and community for exploring and experimenting with this idea of curriculum together. Because I know there are doors you too can’t help but keep knocking on, and if there is one thing I know for sure, it’s that it’s so much more fun to study and learn and grow and evolve with friends.
Introducing:
—SELF MADE SUMMER CAMP—
A five-week hybrid course and community to help you reduce overwhelm, fear, and stuckness, and increase presence, joy, and creativity through practical weekly lessons, individual coaching, and a “choose your own adventure” experiment.
My intention with this course is that you incorporate compassionate intentionality into the shape of your summer, and that you have some fun connecting with other kindred Self Made community members so that you can step into the fall feeling deeply grounded and centered.
The structure of the program is flexible, and expressly designed to work alongside the demands of your summer schedule.
—Details—
Includes:
☀️ Two (2) 50-60 minute 1:1 coaching sessions with Dani
☀️ Monday video lesson. Each week includes:
A teaching
A practice or tool
A meditation, visualization, or breathe exercise
Relevant resources
☀️ “Choose your own adventure*” experiment:
Here are some options:
Path 1: Establishing a daily mindfulness or meditation practice
Path 2: Abstaining from social media
Path 3: Establishing a creative practice/committing to a creative project
Path 4: ???
*If* you have a packed summer, you will be encouraged to commit to ONE experiment for the duration of the five weeks. If you have more space, you might choose two commitments. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Don’t try to do this right. No one is getting a grade. The point of this is not to DO MORE. It is to listen, and respond. What are you yearning for? What calls to you? What gives you that sense of excitement/nervousness in equal measure? Choose that option. And then let yourself be supported by others in the same experiment.
☀️Slack community
Connect asynchronously with other participants
Find and share resources
Give and offer support
Meet other rad humans
☀️A live kick-off call and closing call (these calls will be recorded)
Monday, 7/15 at 5pm PST
Monday, 8/12 at 5pm PST
☀️Optional live calls throughout the five weeks for additional support and community interaction as desired.
Dates: July 15th - August 18th
Cost: $222
June Self Made community workshops:
“INVEST IN DIVESTMENT” Interview + Discussion
Join me in conversation with friend and Self Made community member Rayleen Courtney, founder of The Somatic Coven, on June 26th at 5:30pm PST. I’m going to interview Rayleen about their journey from political consultant to heeding a deeper call to significantly minimize their lifestyle, to the point that they now live in an RV. We’ll explore what to consider and experiment with if you’re curious about divesting from capitalism—and not just physically divesting, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually divesting.
Registration is live! Fee: FREE
SUMMER SOLSTICE WRITING WORKSHOP
This generative writing workshop is based off the Amherst Writer's Method. There will be two two opportunities to write. Then, you'll be invited to share your work aloud if you like (no one is obligated, you can pass at anytime). Readers receive feedback on what listeners like and remember from what they heard; there is no critical feedback (critique is great and can be very helpful—it's just not part of this style of workshop).
This workshop is appropriate for all levels and I hope you'll join me. If you have questions, let me know—I'm happy to answer.
13 participants max - will probably sell out.
Registration is live! Fee: $33
Friendliest of reminders that you are always invited to grab an hour of my time.
SELF MADE is a call to deeply connect with the self—self-knowledge, self-trust, self-development—and then to make, small step by step, a life that you savor. Posts are written by me, Dani Cirignano, writer, Certified Integral Coach, and Holistic Recovery Guide, based in San Francisco, CA.
Click here to learn about working with me 1:1 and/or here to sign up for a complimentary Alignment Session. Let’s talk!
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Part of the curriculum of being human - I needed this today 💜⚡️😊