BALANCE IS NOT THE POINT
Apologies in advance for the RANT
Hi everyone. Happy Tuesday.
You’re invited to tonight’s bi-monthly Self Made community call.
What to expect: A brief grounding exercise; a journal prompt; a discussion. An hour spent with fellow comrades on the path. An opportunity to remember how much bright goodness still exists.
✨Tonight (3/4) from 6-7pm PST. All are welcome.
✨ Join me (next week) on March 12th for Self Made’s next monthly Life Design Skill Session (free! ):
March’s topic: Balancing the 3 Centers of Intelligence
In the words of our pal, Albert Einstein: "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
The longer I'm in this work the clearer it becomes that so much of what we're endeavoring to do when it comes to anything "self-development" related is learning to...reduce the dominance of the mind.
Connecting to the 3 Centers and learning to filter the multidimensionality of my human experience through more than the limitations of my mind is what gave me the confidence back in 2022 to take the leap of faith to leave the startup I was grinding away at and and start my own business.
So I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that this tool could fundamentally change the way you see yourself and what's possible for yourself, your life, and the whole world
→ There will be a recording - so please sign up even if you can’t make it live.
→ All are welcome.
Today’s inspiration:
“But why has equilibrium become such a prized goal in adult life? Why do we seek so earnestly after balance? Is change so fearsome that we’ll do anything to avoid it?”
and:
“Stasis, balance, equilibrium, these are temporary states. What endures is process—dynamic, adaptive, creative.”
Margaret Wheatley - Leadership and the New Science
As part of a SELF MADE subscription, I host two community group calls each month. Calls begin with some kind of grounding exercise: A meditation, a reading, a song, a clip from a podcast, a poem. Lately I’ve been incorporating simple journal prompts that pertain to whatever theme we’re exploring in the community as a way to deepen our understanding of said theme, and to generate discussion and conversation. Last week, in celebration of the change of season, I took to Google to get some inspiration for “Spring journal prompts.” Every single prompt was about “finding balance” and I get it, I get that this is a conversation people are having, but also, it made me super annoyed and it all just felt so cheesy to me and I’ve been sitting with that ever since.
I have been part of the wellness industry in some shape or form for my entire professional career, with just a couple of deviations along the way: Out of college I managed day spas; I managed multiple yoga studios and was a yoga teacher myself for eleven years (I’ve since retired); I studied nutrition and was a health coach for a hot second; I currently coach CrossFit and spend hours at the gym every single week; and now, I’ve found my calling in life coaching. I love this shit but I am skeptical of the industry around it, the machine that would have us constantly striving. Because what’s more noble than seeking balance? We throw time, discipline, and so much money toward this effort, feeding into an industry that is perpetually pointing out to us how we’re not good enough (I also live near Silicon Valley, the land of the biohacking brosphere, so please don’t get me started on all these people throwing too much time, energy, and resources at that fool’s errand of outrunning death).
Eep.
One of the things I work on with myself and my clients is habit forming and routine. Showing up to, committing to, practicing our routines is a way we invest in ourselves and is like putting money in the bank. These are not arbitrary measures. Routines exist so that when life is what life is (hello, 2025), and we have to throw routine and habit out the window for a period of time, we can rely on the cumulative effect of practice to sustain us. Routine and habit give us ground to stand on; they are what root us into ourselves and our lives so that when crisis occurs—and despite that word’s connotations, the “crisis” might actually be welcome: I’m thinking about the disruption of, say, parenthood, or some major creative burst comes calling, and we have no choice but to listen—we do not get knocked down, because we are able to call upon our reserves. We can trust our practice, we can trust the unfolding of what’s in front of us without being buried or swept away by any of it.
But habits and routines are not life. They are what allow life to emerge in it’s glorious dynamism. They are a structure inside of which life can happen. I do not commit so hard to my routines to never be able to go outside of them. I have routines and structures so that I can play with being wild and active and creative and bold, knowing that when it’s time to come back I have a nourishing, sustainable structure—a clear comfort zone—to hold and nourish me.
I am not here to pursue balance. I am here to pursue my aliveness. My life is for truth, beauty, and goodness, not for ticking boxes and maximizing every single fucking minute. I still do those things! But they are not my why. You understand?
After living the majority of my almost 41 years at the mercy of a roller coaster heaving me through whiplash-inducing nadirs and apexes of desperation and elation, a steadier center is the greatest gift of my life. And. The deeper into the water I swim, the more I see that finding balance is a tool, but it is not the point. We practice routine and habit so that we know what balance feels like, so we have a place to return to, so we do not careen too far in any direction—good or bad. We do not stay there. We can come home because we’ve created home within ourselves that is not dependent on anything outside of ourselves and thus is readily available to us at any—any!—time.
So happy almost spring, y’all. Balance is good! I love me some balance, despite my salty little rant. But that’s not where I want to live. I want to live in ever deepening waters. I want spontaneity, serendipity, surprise. I want to chase the weirdest ramblings of my heart with all you weirdos. And when it’s time to come back, ahh yes, there it is, warm sand beneath my feet, safe little shoreline, welcoming me for a delightful after noon nap under a friendly sun.
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At SELF MADE, the game is to uncover your essential self so you can design a rebellious, bold, on-purpose life that is an expression of who you really are and what you really want. Posts are written by me, Dani Cirignano, writer, Integral Coach, and recovery guide based in San Francisco, CA.
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This is the kind of post that jolts you awake—like a cold plunge for the soul. The whole wellness industry thrives on this illusion of “balance,” pushing it like some holy grail, when in reality, balance is just a checkpoint, not the destination. The real goal? Aliveness. Depth. A life that feels like yours, not a meticulously optimized routine for peak performance.
The part that hit hardest: “But habits and routines are not life. They are what allow life to emerge in its glorious dynamism.” Yes. A thousand times yes. Structure should be a foundation, not a cage. It’s the launchpad, not the thing we worship.
And let’s talk about the machine of self-improvement—the endless quest to “fix” ourselves. As if we’re problems to solve instead of humans to be. That’s the part Silicon Valley biohacking bros will never understand—throwing money at longevity and optimization while missing the whole damn point of being alive.
This wasn’t just a rant—it was a call to action. To get out of our own way. To stop trying to perfect life and just live it. And to trust that when we need to return, we’ve built the home inside ourselves to come back to.
Brilliant, fiery, and real. This post breathes.
“But habits and routines are not life.” oof really challenging the root ideology of the wellness world here! I love this point because in my earlier days I was so obsessed with perfecting my productivity that it became its own prison for me.