BALANCE IS NOT THE POINT
Apologies in advance for the RANT ❤️🔥
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“But why has equilibrium become such a prized goal in adult life? Why do we seek so earnestly after balance? Is change so fearsome that we’ll do anything to avoid it?”
and:
“Stasis, balance, equilibrium, these are temporary states. What endures is process—dynamic, adaptive, creative.”
Margaret Wheatley - Leadership and the New Science
As part of a SELF MADE subscription, I host three community group calls each week. Calls begin with some kind of grounding exercise: A meditation, a reading, a song, a clip from a podcast, a poem. Lately I’ve been incorporating simple journal prompts that pertain to whatever theme we’re exploring in the community as a way to deepen our understanding of said theme, and to generate discussion and conversation. Last week, in celebration of the change of season, I took to Google to get some inspiration for “Fall Equinox journal prompts.” Every single prompt was about “finding balance” which I guess also has to do with the fact that this is Libra season and Libra is represented by a scale so even though I get it, I get that this is a conversation people are having, I was super annoyed and it all just felt so cheesy to me and I’ve been sitting with that ever since.
I have been part of the wellness industry in some shape or form for my entire professional career, with just a couple of deviations along the way: Out of college I managed day spas; I’ve managed multiple yoga studios and was a yoga teacher myself for eleven years (I’ve since retired); I studied nutrition and was a health coach for a hot second; I currently coach CrossFit and spend hours at the gym every single week; and now, I’ve found my calling in life coaching. I love this shit but I am skeptical of the industry around it, the machine that would have us constantly striving. Because what’s more noble than seeking balance? We throw time, discipline, and so much money toward this effort, feeding into an industry that is perpetually pointing out to us how we’re not good enough (I also live near Silicon Valley, the land of the biohacking brosphere, so please don’t get me started on all these people throwing too much time, energy, and resources at that fool’s errand of outrunning death).
Eep.
One of the things I work on with myself and my clients is habit forming and routine. Showing up to, committing to, practicing our routines is a way we invest in ourselves and is like putting money in the bank. These are not arbitrary measures. Routines exist so that when life is what life is, and we have to throw routine and habit out the window for a period of time, we can rely on the cumulative effect of practice to sustain us. Routine and habit give us ground to stand on; they are what root us into ourselves and our lives so that when crisis occurs—and despite that word’s connotations, the “crisis” might actually be welcome: I’m thinking about the disruption of, say, parenthood, or some major creative burst comes calling, and we have no choice but to listen—we do not get knocked down, because we are able to call upon our reserves. We can trust our practice, we can trust the unfolding of what’s in front of us without being buried or swept away by any of it.
But habits and routines are not life. They are what allow life to emerge in it’s glorious dynamism. They are a structure inside of which life can happen. I do not commit so hard to my routines to never be able to go outside of them. I have routines and structures so that I can play with being wild and active and creative and bold, knowing that when it’s time to come back I have a nourishing, sustainable structure—a clear comfort zone—to hold and nourish me.
I am not here to pursue balance. I am here to pursue my aliveness. My life is for truth, beauty, and goodness, not for ticking boxes and maximizing every single fucking minute. I still do those things! But they are not my why. You understand?
After living the majority of my thirty-eight years at the mercy of a roller coaster heaving me through whiplash-inducing nadirs and apexes of desperation and elation, a steadier center is the greatest gift of my life. And. The deeper into the water I swim, the more I see that finding balance is a tool, but it is not the point. We practice routine and habit so that we know what balance feels like, so we have a place to return to, so we do not careen too far in any direction—good or bad. We do not stay there. We can come home because we’ve created home within ourselves that is not dependent on anything outside of ourselves and thus is readily available to us at any—any!—time.
So happy fall, y’all. Balance is good! I love me some balance, despite my salty little rant. But that’s not where I want to live. I want to live in ever deepening waters. I want spontaneity, serendipity, surprise. I want to chase the weirdest ramblings of my heart with all you weirdos. And when it’s time to come back, ahh yes, there it is, warm sand beneath my feet, safe little shoreline, welcoming me for a delightful after noon nap under a friendly sun.
SELF MADE is a rebellious recovery community that empowers you to liberate yourself from societal programming and boldly step into a life of your design. Posts are written by me, Dani Cirignano, founder, writer, coach, and recovery advocate based in San Francisco, CA.
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